We have compiled a list of the top 5 things that SURPRISINGLY make a man a loser. The emphasis is on the surprising nature of these items. Some of you out there might think that these things are actually making you cool. You are wrong. Stop now before your gentials shrivel up and fall off.

1. HAWAIIAN SHIRTS. So you think you are the guy who shows up at the party with the funny shirt and everybody laughs and thinks you are cool? Wrong. These shirts were played out about 20 years ago when M.A.S.H. went off the air. They sell racks of them at Walmart for god's sake. Maybe at a Jimmy Buffet concert - nowhere else.

2. A FANCY RAZOR. If you have one of those Mach 5/laser-guided/sensitive skin/moisture strip/30-blade razors, you are a loser. You drank the kool-aid. Just buy a cheap disposable or an electric razor.

3. MUTTON CHOPS. See the picture above of the dufus with the huge sideburns/muttonchops? Unless you are in a Hollywood road trip movie, these aren't for cool people. A little sideburn? Fine. A huge sideburn? Pass the moonshine, you inbred bastard.

4. SOUL PATCH. Yes, more facial hair. The soul patch had about a 6-month coolness period a few years ago. That time is over. Now if you grow a soul patch you are clearly a loser who plays with himself more often than making decent conversation with a woman.

5. HAVING YOUR OWN POOL CUE CASE. This one is a close call, but owning your own pool cue case is now like carrying a briefcase to high school. Don't do it. It takes all the coolness out of playing pool when you walk up with some plastic case and unsnap it to take out a cue.