I really hate all those corporate self-help bullshit books that stream into the bookstores on an almost endless basis. One of the founding fathers of all the crap was Steven Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People If you want to read the horror in all its glory, click here It is godawful, and spawned countless phrases that have haunted bored employees in meetings for over a decade. I was just subjected to the crap again - and in response I have come up with my very own...

7 Habits of Highly Ineffective People.

Habit 1 - Be Inactive - The ability to control one’s environment, rather than having it control you is critical. Solution: Don’t leave the house.

Habit 2 - Begin With Your End in Mind - The habit of personal leadership. Why lead when you can follow? Concentrate on irrelevant activities - watch a lot of TV. Concentrate on making your butt very large.

Habit 3 - Put Last Things First - This is the physical creation of your mental creation that you established in Habit 2. And if Moses supposes his toses are roses, than Moses supposes erroneously.

Habit 4 - Think Lose-Lose - The habit of interpersonal leadership. Achievements are largely dependent on co-operative efforts with others. This sucks.

Habit 5 - Don’t Understand and You Can’t Be Misunderstood - This habit is essential for developing and maintaining positive relationships in all aspects of life. Keep people guessing. When confused, people are easy to control.

Habit 6 - Synergize - The whole is greater than the sum of its parts; see the good and potential in other person’s contributions - and take credit for it yourself.

Habit 7 - Why Sharpen the Saw? - Why Bother? They make saws that never need to be sharpened. Trust me. Go to Home Depot.