ASHLEE SIMPSON KILLS TWO
SUDDEN MOVEMENT OF MONSTER CHIN CRUSHES FRIENDS' SKULLS

Los Angeles-- In a tragic and sudden turn of events, popstar Ashlee Simpson killed two members of her entourage when she swung her head suddenly to the left and then the right. Ms. Simpson was attempting to catch a glimpse of fellow performer Christine Aguillera, who was entering the posh nightclub 'Aerolas', when her enormous, over-sized chin caught friends Jillian Smith and Susan Nixon straight-on - crushing their skulls "like paper cups," as described by one of the EMTs who responded to the scene.

Ms. Simpson ran from the club in hysterical tears shortly after it became clear that her friends were dead. "She ran to a waiting van. Someone slid open the side door so she could squeeze her bloody chin in," said eyewitness Ralph Hooper. .