Islesboro, Maine--Comedic actress and personal zipcode, Kirstie Alley, has fallen on hard times since the cancellation of her 'Fat Actress' Showtime series.

The horrifying-looking actress has been forced to work as a scarecrow in local fields near her island home in Islesboro, Maine, where she has been an instant success.

"I haven't had a single problem with birds since we put 'er up!" says island farmer Wayne Colby. Ms. Alley's publicist refused comment except to say that the actress was 'gamefully employed, healthy and happy'.