I have been ridiculously busy with my regular full-time job (yes I work a real job). This site has been really busy - but damn it we have had literally MILLIONS of hits but I haven't attracted the advertisers I need - so visit and buy and/or click on the "Donation" button and give me a dollar or two, because this site is costing me mucho time and $$$ just for the damn hosting alone....and so today's rant ends....
Yes, I'm getting serious today. I think the following puts a lot in perspective - this is the monetary cost of the war. The cost in lives and limbs is obviously much higher.
Feb. 22, 2006:
Haven't been updating the blog part of the website much this month. I have been busy with many other matters...some of which may make me some money someday....or not.
Feb. 13, 2006:
Valentine's Day is woeful. Believe me, I'm as big a consumer as the next guy, but Valentine's Day is just the worst example of made up "holidays"...If you don't shower your significant other with love and attention all year - one day of roses, chocolates and thong underwear aren't going to save the day.
January 31, 2006:
I have a headache. I'm not ranting today. And I am DEFINITELY NOT watching the walking pile of feces give his "State of the Union heaping pile tonight...
January 23, 2006:
I am going to write a book called "I'm O.K., You're an Idiot."...It will be the anti-self help book.
January 17, 2006:
I need to elaborate on how much I despise the old car the "El Camino". You may have noticed it made it to the top of my "Ugliest Cars Since 1970" list on the main page. I think that the El Camino is SO UGLY, that it is a menace to mankind and must be destroyed. In fact, I am in the process of pitching a TV show to a cable network (at this time unnamed) in which I will tour the nation with a demolition crew and destroy every El Camino in existence. Each week we will destroy the abominations in a different way, i.e. steamroller, explosives, acid etc. Just doing my part to make America beautiful again...
January 11, 2006:
I cut myself shaving today - it was George Bush's fault! (See yesterday's entry.)
January 10, 2006:
A new episode of Lost tomorrow - about time...I am developing a new theory on why things have sucked for me and my family, for the most part, over the last five years. It's George W. Bush's fault. Regardless of political affiliation, I just do better with a Democrat in the White House. For instance, today I was running late to work (Bush's fault) I noticed the rust on the side of my car is worse (Bush's fault) and when I got to work, my favorite shirt of the last few years got a big tear in the left arm (Bush's fault.) Damn him!
January 6, 2006:
Regarding my last entry - please contact me with any Craftmatic Adjustable Bed stories you may have. I still don't believe anyone actually owns them...but let's talk about public bathrooms for now...Have you ever had a 'Stall War'? A Stall War is when you go into a bathroom and get into a stall - you notice there is someone in the stall next to you - so you figure you will wait them out. Because it is preferable to have no one around while having a bowel movement. Something that I believe 99.997% of the population agrees with. A stand-of ensues. You wait for five minutes with silence on either side. You begin thinking "what the hell is this guy's story?! You had your chance, now get the hell out of here!" I had quite the stand-off earlier - 14 minutes before I broke the bastard...of course I did permanent damage to my colon -- but I WON!!
January 4, 2006:
Does anyone actually OWN a 'Craftmatic Adjustable Bed'? I have lived three-plus decades, have friends and relatives across the globe, and I have never even heard of ANYONE who knows someone who has a Craftmatic Adjustable Bed. I'm thinking these things might be some kind of cover for a domestic spying agency...maybe the entire company is just a cover like "Universal Exports" in all the James Bond movies...
January 3, 2006:
After an extended break over the holidays, that included Christmas, New Years, sinus infections and some gifts -- I am back. And let me say that I love Christmas no matter what. This year was as close to being the 'Who's down in Whoville' who had all their stuff taken, as I'd like to get. A grim Christmas from a material standpoint -- but still a lot of fun...and I got two seasons of 'Curb Your Enthusiasm, including the "Cray-eyed Killa" episode, so life is good.
December 19, 2005:
I am so broke I am a fourth world country. I am also sick again - I think the President is poisoning people who oppose him with some secret neurological agent that gives us sinus infections...well maybe not, but I wouldn't put it past him since he has authorized ILLEGAL spying on thousands of US citizens...we are inching closer to "Six Days in December'...or was it November? September?...anyway - our democracy is slipping away bit by bit...wake up America!!!
December 14, 2005:
By the way - make sure you buy a toy and give it to "Toys for Tots". Why? because I told you to, you cheap bastards! I have yet to do much Christmas shopping, but both my sons want "THE SHELL SHOCKER" a remote-controlled 'thing' that is advertised 2,678 times every day on the Cartoon Network. It looks like a lizard that is curled up in a ball with green leathery propellers on either side. From the TV commercials I figured the thing was about 6 or 8 inches wide and cost about $25....WRONG! It is freaking HUGE - the size of a basketball and costs $70!! Looks like I will be buying them some socks...here's a pic of the hellish toy...
December 12, 2005:
I have been hideously ill for a few days - generating mucus like it was those little chocolates in that annoyingly over-played episode of "I Love Lucy". But everyone hates being sick, so no need to rant against that. No, today I need to talk about something gravely important...my goddamn leather shoelaces. I hate my freaking leather shoelaces. My left shoelace in particular -- it is possessed by the devil himself. I can leave my house in the morning ith the laces perfectly aligned and double-tied, and by the time I step out of my car the left laces is undone with one side as long as Dr. Who's scarf and the other a 2-inch-shriveled-earthworm....Damn that lace!!!!!
December 5, 2005:
I thought I'd write about something that doesn't bother me today - "Toys for Tots." Go out and buy a toy for a poor kid and drop it in one of the drop boxes - for god's sake...You cheap bastards - give up a Latte and buy an action figure Get details at http://www.toysfortots.org...and while we are on the subject of toys...I bought a Star Wars spaceship for my son's 3rd birthday a few weeks ago, and it took me EIGHTEEN MINUTES of working with wire-clippers and a blowtorch to get the freaking thing out of the package. It was secured with no less than 12 plastic and wire twist bands that had been applied by the same people responsible for the Holocaust...what ever happened to those bubble packages? I am seriously going to videotape me opening one of the ships the next time we get one and send it to the sadistic psychos at Hasbro...
December 2, 2005:
Every day I drive to work and park in a parking garage next to the building where I work. And EVERY DAY some type A, anal retentive nutjob stops traffic in the garage so he/she can execute a 17 point turn and back into their parking space -- therefore allowing them to save 2 seconds of time when they leave at 5pm. Of couse backing into the space added about 30 seconds but these buttholes don't think that way. The only thing worse than people who back into their parking spaces are people who say they always back into parking spaces because 'that's just how I roll.'...
December 1, 2005:
The next person who says "Because that's just how I roll." to me will be beaten to death with a medium-sized hammer...slowly.
November 30, 2005:
What the HELL is up with all these inflatable Christmas decorations that now tower over houses' front porches across the country? They are freaking hideous! If you want to set one up in front of a toy store - fine. Otherwise forget it. If you are brainwashed enough, worshipping Walmart as a god, moron and already have one - then leave it running at all times!! Every morning I drive to work and see these huge, flacid plastic carcasses sprawled on lawns everywhere like Kong's used condoms. The only thing uglier than the giant inflatable decorations are giant inflatable decorations that are NOT INFLATED!!
November 28, 2005:
Why do we rake our damn lawns? I hate raking leaves. I went so far as to borrow my friends bag lawnmower this week to mow through the enormous number of leaves that had fallen on our front lawn. This saved me NO time. I had to empty the bag every 25 feet or so. BUT, it was still better than raking leaves. I think now that women are starting to trim or shave their pubic areas we should allow lawns to grow uncontrollably and never rake leaves -- to balance things out in the circle of life....or the circle of pubic hair and leaves....
November 26, 2005:
Unless you have an allergy to pine (which some people do) there is NO reason to own a fake Christmas tree. The trees are FAKE. You are putting a 7-foot FAKE. plastic tree in your house. The next thing you know people are going to start putting bags of silicone in their breasts, or plastic implants to make it look like they have biceps...oh wait...already happening.
So, get in touch with tradition and the earth and cut down a tree and stuff its dying shell onto a spike and put it in your livingroom. It's the right thing to do.
I'm re-formating my older rants and they will be back here soon. So don't kill yourself in despair.
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